spotastic:

THIS MAN LOCKED ME INSIDE HIS CAB.

Fuck this man. Fuck him so hard in the fucking face that his brain dies.

A long day of work and play and it was time to go home, so I was treating myself to a cab. One of the new Nissan Future Taxis picked me up. These things are spacious, but also have a very high separation wall, so you really don’t get a good view of the driver.  I told the cab driver to take me to Queens via the Midtown tunnel. We arrived at my destination, which is always across the street from my apartment building. I have never felt comfortable letting a cab driver know where I live. I paid the fair with a credit card. The driver told me I still owed him for the toll. I told him I have never paid separately for a toll before. He told me to wait a minute, but I did not see him doing anything, the separation wall is high.  I told him he should have added it in, I already paid the fare. He told me to wait a minute. I was feeling very uncomfortable and his behavior was feeling shady. I went to open the door and it was locked. I told him to unlock the door. He told me to wait a minute. I got LOUD and told him to unlock the door. He told me to wait a minute. I threatened to call the cops twice or more before he finally unlocked the door. I got out and walked the opposite direction. The Cab Driver got out, I turned around and he was pulling his unzipped pants up as he came around to the back of the cab. I yelled some things at him about jerking off that I can’t quite remember. They were not witty or clever, they were freaked out and coming from a place of shock.  He told me he was having me banished or some shit and was pointing to the sky.  I stepped into the street to take a photo of the license and he blocked the license plate.  My body started shaking realizing what was happening. Something I can’t prove.  But I will say it. This pile of garbage was keeping me locked inside his cab so he could jerk off with me in there. God knows if he had any other plans. I started officially walking away and called my husband and could barely get the words out. I started shaking and had to think really hard to get my body to move towards my building. Thankfully there is a median on the street I live on, so the Cab Driver could not make a U-turn and follow me. I made it to my buildings driveway and froze, a few minutes later, from a safe distance.  I saw the cab driver pass. My husband found me shivering and crying, frozen in place.

I have no proof is limp dick was in his hands while I was in the cab.

I can’t prove the door was locked and he refused to let me out.

I can and did dispute the charges on my credit card.

I can and did file a complaint with T & L commission.

If I ever take a cab again, I guess my first move is to always take a photo of their license and request the doors remain wide open while I am driven home.

FUCK THIS CAB DRIVER. 

FUCK HIM IN THE FACE UNTIL HIS BRAIN DIES.

Li’l Help?

| Can someone edit that scene from Alien so instead of John Hurt it’s me and instead of the newborn alien it’s, like, Claire Huxtable…? |

*Janelle James: ”There’s a show on Lifetime RIGHT NOW whose tagline is “Trapped inside of every white girl is a strong black woman ready to bust out,” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Whooo Lawd.”
worldofthecutestcuties:

I took my cat on his first walk yesterday

worldofthecutestcuties:

I took my cat on his first walk yesterday

(via ixamxdecadence)

trinandtonic:

blastortoise:

white people: mike brown robbed that store!

Lawyer: no he didn’t

Store owners: nope

Eye witnesses: nah

white people:

white people: MIKE BROWN ROBBED THAT STORE

people who are paying attention: hey hey did you know that robbing a store is not actually grounds for an extrajudicial execution anyway

(Source: blastortoise-chan, via tanishalongrebloggery)


Rear Window, 1954

Rear Window, 1954

(Source: nostomaniac, via femured)

Either healing or slowly morphing into my cat. I’m good with either at this point. #comedy #injury  #homemadetattoo #nopenotiodine #cat #nurse

Either healing or slowly morphing into my cat. I’m good with either at this point. #comedy #injury #homemadetattoo #nopenotiodine #cat #nurse

I keep seeing dudes complain about kids in public with “I don’t have kids so I shouldn’t have to deal with it”

Uh, it’s not about *having* kids.
It’s about having BEEN a kid.
You were definitely a kid.
And if you were half as annoying then as you are now you have it coming.

comedystylings:

edasalazar:

daveshumka:

daveshumka:

The greatest item I’ve ever received in a gift bag.  Vancouver Comedyfest, 2008-ish.

I posted this a couple years ago and it only received two notes. C’mon! It’s worth more than that. Have you ever seen such mints?

They’re both sweet and bitter.

I WANT THESE SO BAD!!!!

comedystylings:

edasalazar:

daveshumka:

daveshumka:

The greatest item I’ve ever received in a gift bag.  Vancouver Comedyfest, 2008-ish.

I posted this a couple years ago and it only received two notes. C’mon! It’s worth more than that. Have you ever seen such mints?

They’re both sweet and bitter.

I WANT THESE SO BAD!!!!

Pretty little #latergram from last night’s Creek dealy because all I’m looking at lately is an elevated ankle and a steady stream of #everysimpsonsever

Pretty little #latergram from last night’s Creek dealy because all I’m looking at lately is an elevated ankle and a steady stream of #everysimpsonsever

All I had to do to get him as my date to the Creek Awards is snap an ankle. Worth it for a pic with him by @withreservation (not this, this is a mere phone selfie) to be seen later

All I had to do to get him as my date to the Creek Awards is snap an ankle. Worth it for a pic with him by @withreservation (not this, this is a mere phone selfie) to be seen later

Pegleggin’ it at the Creek Awards @creekcavelic

Pegleggin’ it at the Creek Awards @creekcavelic

Despite no FXX channel, we’re still enjoying a non-stop marathon thanks to the magic of DVD play all. Thanks for doing it, guys. Our country needs healing. #everySimpsonsever #perfectlytimedinjuriesofinstagram#comedysmostviolentclosers

Despite no FXX channel, we’re still enjoying a non-stop marathon thanks to the magic of DVD play all. Thanks for doing it, guys. Our country needs healing. #everySimpsonsever #perfectlytimedinjuriesofinstagram#comedysmostviolentclosers

Despite no @FXX still enjoying a nonstop Simpsons marathon through the magic of DVD ‘play all’. But kudos for doing it, guys. America needs this. #everySimpsonsever #perfectlytimedinjuriesofinstagram

Despite no @FXX still enjoying a nonstop Simpsons marathon through the magic of DVD ‘play all’. But kudos for doing it, guys. America needs this. #everySimpsonsever #perfectlytimedinjuriesofinstagram